JD_Kreeper

[Jill Maween]

I hope you don't mind me replying again, but to clarify, consent is something I fully understand as a concept. I know that no means no, but what I don't know is what qualifies as "no", if that makes sense. And I'm not sure exactly what I should do about that.

I do however feel grateful that you all appear to understand. Most internet communities, as you suggested, rip me apart and demonize me, to the point I see myself as an irredeemable monster in denial. So while I am still scared, I do at least feel somewhat understood and accepted.

Something I have begun to accept is that these are simply the consequences I must face for my actions, and intent is irrelevant. I'm still sad it has to be this way, and this has caused me a lot of distress (routine change - no more TF2C), but I've seen this all from an outside perspective now. And yeah, I'm not happy with it, but I get it. It's necessary for the greater good.,

I believe the person in question has read all this, and I think they understand. I don't expect forgiveness, but I can at least rest easy knowing that they know I meant no harm. And I hope they're alright out there.

I don't think there's much else to discuss here. But I do request a full breakdown of what lead to this, as there is so much about this situation I may be missing, and I fear I may cause a similar situation in the future due to not understanding why this happened.

Maybe one day I may be welcomed back, but until then, this is where I get off. I'll still be around if any of you wish to talk to me though. If any of you, the admins, the person, and any of the spectators, do wish to talk to me, I'm open to that.

Thank you for your service, the internet needs more admins like you.

I can't reply to you in the ban appeal thread, so I'm doing it here.
Here's the full breakdown of what happened as I am the only person involved that can effectively offer it:

I showed you superficial kindness in the TF2C Discord server, you then proceeded to talk about how you were "infatuated" over me for it and shortly after that, you started DMing me on Discord.

Then, I started seeing you in the in-game VaultF4 servers, which I initially brushed off as a coincidence.
You then tried adding me, which I rejected, and after rejecting you, you tried adding me 2 more times which I also rejected all while simultaneously not replying to any of your messages on Discord, which you kept sending during the whole ordeal despite me never replying or acknowledging any of the times you referred to me either in-game or on Discord.

You then started following me across in-game servers, and then, after realizing that you were being creepy and I was actively avoiding you, you did it some more just to "deliver an apology" after which you left.

Then, shortly after that, you got banned from VaultF4 and I, simultaneously, blocked you, which could not have been a clearer indication that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with you, which you only found out after you tried joining the server that I was on AGAIN after you delivered said apology for following me around and being creepy despite noticing I kept avoiding you.

Then, seeing that, you somehow decided that the best course of action was to go around different communities such as AltTAB doing the same shit, which got you banned from AltTAB as well. And when that didn't work, you decided it was a good idea to try and add my friends on Steam, which you coveniently left all out of your ban appeal, which is also the sole reason I am writing any of this to begin with.



You may have the pity of some of the seniors, but you don't and will never have mine, to me you're nothing short of a manipulator.

If you still somehow have trouble misinterpreting the fact that I want nothing to do with you, let me make it clear as day:

I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to be your friend, I don't want an apology or a wall of text victimizing yourself and justifying your shitty and creepy behaviour, I want absolutely nothing to do with you and from my perspective of this whole ordeal, I can only hope to never see you again. Leave me and my friends alone.

 

[JD_Kreeper]

Oh dear, I am so sorry. I didn't realize it was this bad.

I do appreciate you reaching out to do this. This is the perspective I was so desperate to find, and now that I've been made aware, I am both relieved and horrified. Relieved of course that I can now finally get a full analysis on the situation, and finally make progress towards preventing this from ever happening again, but also horrified that I inadvertently caused all this.

To be honest, I knew I fucked up, but I didn't realize it was this bad. The only experience I could compare it to are my own experiences when emotionally stunted people cling to me, which I found little more than a mind annoyance, and usually ended with me reaching out to help them.

This, this is not that. Your experience with me, I can clearly see, was far different. I don't know if you believe me, but I truly did not mean harm, I only intended to help. But in my delusional state, my autistic experience plus being burdened by a life of abuse and neglect, I was blinded. My sheer inability to understand what I'm doing lead to this, and so many prior incidents like this.

Consent and boundaries never existed for me growing up. Adults in my life were permitted to do whatever they wished to me, and fighting back was met with victim blaming and further abused. So I have no perspective on what's okay. What I believed was a minor infraction, and what I've been subjected to my entire life and convinced is minor, is actually extremely not okay. I let myself be walked over because that's normal to me, and I do the same to others without realizing it's not okay. So you are right, I am a manipulator.

If you care to hear more, I can tell you, but of course, I see you want me to leave you alone.

It all makes sense now, and I genuinely cannot thank you enough for telling me this, because I've caused this before and genuinely had no idea the severity of the situation until now. I'm happy someone finally got it through my thick skull how fucked up I am and got my head out of my ass. And, as weird and deranged this may sound, I do applaud you for actually standing up to me like this, because I do think it took you a lot of strength to finally say it. You have every right to feel how you do right now.

If you wish to never see me again, I will abide by that to the best of my ability. Though I do not believe I can outright guarantee it, given how deranged I have proven to be.

 

[Dinkster]

Though I do not believe I can outright guarantee it, given how deranged I have proven to be.

BROOOOO PLEASE JUST STOP DIGGING YOURSELF A BIGGER HOLE YOU MORON

 

[Reechard]

Dinkster you are unwelcome and unhelpful. Enjoy your ban, you can come back in July. Adults are handling the situation.