[Resolved] JD_Kreeper Ban Appeal

[JD_Kreeper]

In-Game name: JD_Kreeper
Time of Ban: 02:22
Date of Ban: 06-19-25
Steam ID: [U:1:242915213]
Reason for Ban: Player Harassment
Additional Comments: This is going to be long, but bear with me. I believe that it is necessary for you all to understand the full situation. I only ask that you fully read over this and take it into consideration before replying. And if it is necessary, I will discuss further in this thread.

So first, let me introduce myself. I am on the autism spectrum, and a difficulty I experience is socializing with others. Social interaction is difficult for me, and doing it right can be tricky and risky.

I am blunt. I get straight to the point. I do not hide "unspoken words" in my messages. I cannot detect social cues. And I absolutely cannot stand small talk. So while those who know me are aware of this and can accommodate my needs, things get more complicated in larger and more populated communities. And what ends up happening is that I try to communicate one thing, others interpret my message as meaning something else, and if that "something else" paints me as a monster, then I either get banned by an admin, or get harassed and bullied by the community until I can't take it anymore, and quit.

This has happened to me enough times that I am very quiet and reserved around strangers. I don't chat much in large communities, as when there's too many people to keep track of, I loose my sense of connection with the community. VaultF4 is one of these communities. Point is, prior to the incident that got me banned, I was quiet and got into no trouble (excluding a micspam warning because I didn't realize the rules didn't allow that).

Now, let's get to the ban reason.

It's summer, and during the summer, my mental health declines. I'm not sleeping, I'm stressed, and I'm not myself. While I'm decent at abiding by social cues and reading the room, exhaustion like this can cloud my judgement and limit my ability to process emotions.

On Sunday, June 7, 2025, I was on the Shitpost Sunday server, a weekly event hosted by Moon's Pub, which I attend. Unlike VF4, Moon's Pub is a much smaller community, and on Moon's servers I am significantly more social, especially to those I know. I am acquainted with several regulars and most of the admins.

On this server, I met a player. I will not mention them by name, because I do not believe they want to be involved in this any further, and I would prefer if we do not contact them for any comments unless we absolutely have to. And most of you already know who I'm talking about anyway.

But what I will do is explain in detail their relation to the circumstances leading up to my ban, as I believe knowing this is necessary to understand the full picture.

So, this person I met, is outspoken and hard not to notice if you're in a server with them. They're on VC a lot, and have a significant social standing. They are someone I have not met before - I had seen them under their prior names, but I do not remember them interacting with anyone.

I can't remember exactly what happened between us on this server, because I don't remember things, but what I think happened is that I noticed them chatting, I chipped in, and somewhere along the line, I expressed vulnerability and this person replied with compassion and support. Though, I could be wrong.

So, when we went our separate ways, I thought that was a fun chat. But I mostly forgot about it, as it wasn't particularly important (which is why I forgot the details of the interaction). I did remember the name of the person, but again, I didn't think much of it. Like most people I meet in TF2C, their name enters the back of my head and is forgotten until I see them again

8 days later, June 15, 2025. I was bored and tired, mindlessly clicking through channels on Discord servers I'm a part of but don't interact with. As to why, I don't know, but while doing this on the TF2C server, I saw this person's name in some of the more recent chats. I recognized it from somewhere, but I didn't quite remember where. In my tired state, I tried to ask them where I've seen them before, but when that thought was turned into words and assembled into a sentence, it came out as something along the lines of "Oh hello, I remember you". Yes, weird, I know. Then I used the from command to see their message history in the TF2C server, saw a large number, and made a remark along the lines of "Oh you're chronically online here lol" because I was tired and forgot how to interact with people. This person apparently perceived this as rude, but as we chatted, they realized I was not intentionally trying to be rude, and was actually just tired and bad at socializing. Despite this, they were very kind and understanding, and we went are separate ways once again.

But one of their messages I saw, did not sit right with me. It was concerning to me. A few hours later I sent them a DM, asking if they were alright. No response. Then, some time later, out of nowhere, this person purged all their messages sent on the TF2C server over the past few days. This included our conversation, but also so many messages completely unrelated to me. Now in hindsight this should've been a sign that this person wanted to stay away from me, but I did not pick up on that cue and was instead just confused.

I continued to play on VF4, and I saw this person again. I continued to try to interact with them (again, I had no idea I did anything wrong) but they were very distant, and didn't seem to notice me. I had no idea at the time, but in hindsight I think they were trying to give me a social cue that they don't want to talk to me, though whatever it was, I never picked up on it.

Around the time of our second interaction on the TF2C server, I had developed a sort of infatuation with the person. It's a trait of mine, a short-lived period of love and clingyness to a person who is particularly nice to me. Nothing concerning, might result in a few social hiccups, but otherwise harmless, it resolves itself quickly and has no long-term consequences. But around this time is when something began to happen. Emotions started to go haywire, and I was not able to process them due to still being mentally exhausted, but what I did know is that they had something to do with this person.

June 17, 2025, a therapist appointment occurs and I explain to him the situation. The conclusion we came to is that the person is ignoring me because they're confused and haven't figured out how to respond just yet. (I've been in a similar situation as them and that was how I felt too). As for what was going on emotionally, we couldn't figure that out, but what I suggested, and what he approved of, is to join this person in TF2C and coexist with them on the same server, and while I do that, I think about what I'm feeling. In theory, this would help me process these emotions.

What we did not account for though was how this person would feel about seeing me follow them around. I know, this should've been obvious, but stay with me here. As time went on, the person became increasingly distant, and me, unaware they were uncomfortable, continued quietly following them around and playing with them, occasionally saying something in response to them but otherwise being the quiet and reserved person I usually am.

Though, another trait of mine is to copy the mannerisms and behavior of others around me during social interactions. I don't even notice I'm doing it until later. So in hindsight I do recognize that my subconscious trait of copying this person might have creeped them out even more.

On a few occasions, they said something that concerned me, and I asked if they were okay. Again, no response. On on occasion, I lost composure and started breaking down, because the emotions were too much. But this tactic, coexisting with the person and observing my feeling, did actually work. The emotions were processing and I was starting to get a better idea of what was going on in my head, and I was able to stay composed around this person. It was working, just needed more time.

On June 18, 2025, I logged on to play some TF2C. I checked if this person was online. They were. I checked the server list, found the server they were on, and joined them. When I got on, I checked the player list, but they were not there. I checked their activity again, they were still online. I looked at the player list of each active server again, and found the server they were in. When I joined that server, they were not there. I was confused. Is this a bug? Did the player list not update? I checked the server list once again, and found their name in the first server. That time, when I joined, I noticed something in the chat. While I was joining the server, before I was online, they left the server. I realized right then, they saw me join the game, and immediately left.

That moment is when everything clicked. That what I was doing, from their perspective, is extremely creepy and unsettling. I realized then, they were distant now because they were not comfortable around me. Somewhere along the line, this person went from caring and compassionate about me, to confused and uncomfortable, and taking increasingly drastic measures to stay away from me. Where exactly I'm unsure, but I believe it happened somewhere between our interaction in the TF2C discord server and when they deleted all their messages.

I panicked. I felt awful. I was horrified at what I had done. I was drowned with guilt. This is when I completely lost all sense of composure, with the only thing on my mind being that I need to fix this. I asked in chat. No response. I sent the person a discord DM, apologizing for my actions to the best of my ability. No response.

I was determined to deliver this apology. I checked the server list, found the server this person was in, and joined. When I arrived, I checked the player list, and they were still online. I went into spectator, and found them. They were not moving. Were they AFK? I was crumbling under the pressure I felt, the guilt, the shame, the horror in what I've done, all that piled on top of me.

The person then began moving. As soon as I saw that, I delivered my apology once again, in public chat. Didn't think that one through, because right then is when several players in the server recoiled in horror at what they were seeing. They saw what appeared to be a poor person being stalked by this weirdo. I don't remember what was said to me, but it was enough to make me leave in shame.

About 10 minutes later, I was banned. Permemently. Reason was "Player Harassment". I was breaking down, and while yes, I did still feel awful about what I did, my mind shifted to the fact that I was now banned from VF4, which is a server provider I frequent.

Since then, I've collected myself, with the help of some others, including an autistic friend of mine who has helped me through situations like this. I reflected on my actions. While I had limited information on what happened, I started to piece together theories to the best of my ability, so I can at least learn something from this.

I was also able to finally process my emotions, and figure out how I was feeling.

So, shortly after we first met, I began to notice behaviors in this person that are unassuming to most, but signify someone who is struggling. I detected depression, and I detected childhood trauma. I detected someone who was lost, but too afriad to reach out for help. While I could be wrong about this, I will say though that I am good at detecting struggling people that are masking, as I have gone through a lot myself and now the invisible signs. I have done this several times before and I was right every time.

I didn't realize at the time, but the intense emotions I was experiencing, was me seeing someone in trouble, and eliciting a strong emotional response of compassion and support. A sense that someone needs help, and I need to help. This desire, this need, to help someone in trouble, ended up enticing me to do what I did. To follow them, learn about them, and watch over like a guardian angel to learn more and figure out how to proceed. All while unaware that by doing this, I was being harmful, and by trying to help someone, I hurt them. And while also unaware why I was even doing this, with my judgement, my logical reasoning, and my autonomy were blinded by my emotions.

And I've watched as the bans kept accumulating. First VF4, where the incident occured. Then, the TF2C discord server. And in my desperate cries for help, the only VF4 admin I was actually somewhat aquainted with blocked me. Then the TF2 mapping server. And then the AltTab servers.

I've been through an emotional rollarcoaster over the past week, and now that the ride ended, I'm just tired. I don't believe the punishment, this community wide permement banishment, fit the crime.

What I've come here to request, is an unban from the VF4 network. The rest of the bans can stay if they have to. And while I do believe I am composed now and won't act up again, I do request I get a global mute on all VF4 servers for the time being in the event I do get unbanned, preventing me from chatting or using VC, just in case.

If that's not possible, then at the very least, I hope you all understand the situation, even if you cannot relate. And if you've read this far, I can at least appreciate that, because many will see this wall of text and dismiss it as not worth reading.

I hope to hear from you all soon.

Also VintagePC, thank you for understanding earlier. I appreciate it.

 

[NovaCancy]

Thank you for your appeal. We'll review the details and get back to you, usually in 1-3 days.

 

[LavaRed]

Apologies for the slight delay. Most, if not all, of our senior staff is working, raising kids and maintaining homes.

I don’t usually discuss my credentials, because I didn’t achieve them for notoriety, but to help others. However, given your concerns that your ASD is a factor, I’ll preface this by saying I am a Psychologist specializing in exceptional children, particularly those with ASD. I am also autistic, as are my children.

While ASD can be a social beast to manage, I couldn’t help but notice that by your own admission, you became aware of your actions and continued to do so after the fact. This no longer becomes an issue with your ASD, rather it is simply an issue of harassment. Behavior like that is simply not tolerated in this community.

Ban remains upheld.

 

[JD_Kreeper]

I don't recall "becoming aware of my actions and continuing to do so". Where did I say that?

I suspect you may have misinterpreted something, as I do not recall ever saying that, and from my point of view, that never happened. I want to give you all the benefit of the doubt, but I do believe that I know myself best.

 

[Reechard]

"That moment is when everything clicked. That what I was doing, from their perspective, is extremely creepy and unsettling."

This part, friend. This is an indication that you knew and understood what you were doing was wrong. You chose to continue.

Take some time and learn about Consent, and how it works. Consent is usually taught in context of sex, but Consent is something that needs to be respected in all levels of our lives.

#ConsentRULES | RAINN

April is Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month and, this year, we’re talking about things you need in every relationship: consent and boundaries. Consent is an affirmative agreement between participants to engage in physical or sexual activity. In simpler words, it means you recognize...

rainn.org

"Accepting an answer of “no” without asking again" is the part you need to be paying attention to. The person you are reaching out to asked you to stop, and you did not respect that. They were setting a personal boundary for you. You pushed forward over and over despite them asking you to stop.

I understand the feeling that you need to explain yourself and you need to be understood and you need to have your side heard so that the person can make their decision in a fully informed way.

The thing is, nobody owes you that. People are not obligated to hear you out. They don't have to sit there and listen to you explain why you are doing what you are doing. If someone asks you to kindly leave them alone, you do it.

I'm really sorry you're having a hard time and I want you to know the senior staff did not make this decision lightly, and we did read your entire appeal and take your Autism into consideration. Most of us are neurodivergent in our own ways. We still have to respect other people's autonomy and their right to exist in the company they choose.

 

[JD_Kreeper]

This is going to be my final response, as to respect everyone's time, but I do want to clarify a few things before I go.

Even if I'm not unbanned, I still want to thank you all for trying to understand me and hearing me out so far.

"I couldn’t help but notice that by your own admission, you became aware of your actions and continued to do so after the fact."

At that moment, I did figure out that what I was doing (following the person around) was wrong, so I decided to stop doing that. However, I had only realized it was wrong of me to follow them, and did not realize that joining to deliver an apology was also wrong. In my head, pointlessly following them was wrong, but if I had a reason to follow, then that is acceptable. I only realize now that the best approach would've been to stay quiet.

"The person you are reaching out to asked you to stop"

They never told me to stop talking to them, nor did I pick up on anything that would signify they want to be left alone. I would've stopped if I knew.

I don't blame them for this, but I know it could've gone better, and I've learned a valuable lesson from this experience.

 

[Reechard]

I am glad you are taking us at our word here. I'm glad you're taking what we say seriously and considering it, as most of the requests we receive to lift a ban are made in extremely bad faith.

Everyone who saw this knew you were being genuine and that you were very confused. I hope you take what you've learned here and discuss them with your therapist in an ongoing manner, as Consent is not something that just needs to be understood, it needs to be practiced in every aspect of our daily interactions with others, because being mindful of the way your actions might effect others will help you to reduce and be aware of the potential to cause harm.

I'm also going to say you are very very fortunate to have found our little corner of the Internet to have this issue, because the entirety of the rest of the Internet would have treated you very poorly over this and you would have been incredibly bullied over it. You got really really lucky this time, so I'll also give you this final advice; the world is incredibly cruel to those who are different the way we're different. Most tiny online Internet communities don't have a trauma and autism informed psychologist as one of the owners. Please please be careful about the places online where you interact with people, because none of us want to see anyone get hurt, and that includes you.

 

[JD_Kreeper]

I hope you don't mind me replying again, but to clarify, consent is something I fully understand as a concept. I know that no means no, but what I don't know is what qualifies as "no", if that makes sense. And I'm not sure exactly what I should do about that.

I do however feel grateful that you all appear to understand. Most internet communities, as you suggested, rip me apart and demonize me, to the point I see myself as an irredeemable monster in denial. So while I am still scared, I do at least feel somewhat understood and accepted.

Something I have begun to accept is that these are simply the consequences I must face for my actions, and intent is irrelevant. I'm still sad it has to be this way, and this has caused me a lot of distress (routine change - no more TF2C), but I've seen this all from an outside perspective now. And yeah, I'm not happy with it, but I get it. It's necessary for the greater good.,

I believe the person in question has read all this, and I think they understand. I don't expect forgiveness, but I can at least rest easy knowing that they know I meant no harm. And I hope they're alright out there.

I don't think there's much else to discuss here. But I do request a full breakdown of what lead to this, as there is so much about this situation I may be missing, and I fear I may cause a similar situation in the future due to not understanding why this happened.

Maybe one day I may be welcomed back, but until then, this is where I get off. I'll still be around if any of you wish to talk to me though. If any of you, the admins, the person, and any of the spectators, do wish to talk to me, I'm open to that.

Thank you for your service, the internet needs more admins like you.

 

[JD_Kreeper]

Well, I just got a response from the person I've been mentioning here, and, well, it's brutal.

Forget all this, keep me banned. I need to stay banned for a very long time. I didn't realize how deranged and fucking insane I was until now.

 

[JD_Kreeper]

consent is something I fully understand as a concept. I know that no means no, but what I don't know is what qualifies as "no", if that makes sense.

I was wrong. I was so fucking wrong. This is one of the most wrongest things I've ever said. Holy fucking shit.

Keep me banned. This was so beyond fucked up.

 

[JD_Kreeper]

Fuck it, here's the response. Do with this information as you will.

I can't reply to you in the ban appeal thread, so I'm doing it here.
Here's the full breakdown of what happened as I am the only person involved that can effectively offer it:

I showed you superficial kindness in the TF2C Discord server, you then proceeded to talk about how you were "infatuated" over me for it and shortly after that, you started DMing me on Discord.

Then, I started seeing you in the in-game VaultF4 servers, which I initially brushed off as a coincidence.
You then tried adding me, which I rejected, and after rejecting you, you tried adding me 2 more times which I also rejected all while simultaneously not replying to any of your messages on Discord, which you kept sending during the whole ordeal despite me never replying or acknowledging any of the times you referred to me either in-game or on Discord.

You then started following me across in-game servers, and then, after realizing that you were being creepy and I was actively avoiding you, you did it some more just to "deliver an apology" after which you left.

Then, shortly after that, you got banned from VaultF4 and I, simultaneously, blocked you, which could not have been a clearer indication that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with you, which you only found out after you tried joining the server that I was on AGAIN after you delivered said apology for following me around and being creepy despite noticing I kept avoiding you.

Then, seeing that, you somehow decided that the best course of action was to go around different communities such as AltTAB doing the same shit, which got you banned from AltTAB as well. And when that didn't work, you decided it was a good idea to try and add my friends on Steam, which you coveniently left all out of your ban appeal, which is also the sole reason I am writing any of this to begin with.

You may have the pity of some of the seniors, but you don't and will never have mine, to me you're nothing short of a manipulator.

If you still somehow have trouble misinterpreting the fact that I want nothing to do with you, let me make it clear as day:

I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to be your friend, I don't want an apology or a wall of text justifying your shitty and creepy behaviour, I want absolutely nothing to do with you and from my perspective of this whole ordeal, I can only hope to never see you again. Leave me and my friends alone.

 

[JD_Kreeper]

I sent this in response. It provides further clarification.

Oh dear, I am so sorry. I didn't realize it was this bad.

I do appreciate you reaching out to do this. This is the perspective I was so desperate to find, and now that I've been made aware, I am both relieved and horrified. Relieved of course that I can now finally get a full analysis on the situation, and finally make progress towards preventing this from ever happening again, but also horrified that I inadvertently caused all this.

To be honest, I knew I fucked up, but I didn't realize it was this bad. The only experience I could compare it to are my own experiences when emotionally stunted people cling to me, which I found little more than a mind annoyance, and usually ended with me reaching out to help them.

This, this is not that. Your experience with me, I can clearly see, was far different. I don't know if you believe me, but I truly did not mean harm, I only intended to help. But in my delusional state, my autistic experience plus being burdened by a life of abuse and neglect, I was blinded. My sheer inability to understand what I'm doing lead to this, and so many prior incidents like this.

Consent and boundaries never existed for me growing up. Adults in my life were permitted to do whatever they wished to me, and fighting back was met with victim blaming and further abused. So I have no perspective on what's okay. What I believed was a minor infraction, and what I've been subjected to my entire life and convinced is minor, is actually extremely not okay. I let myself be walked over because that's normal to me, and I do the same to others without realizing it's not okay. So you are right, I am a manipulator.

If you care to hear more, I can tell you, but of course, I see you want me to leave you alone.

It all makes sense now, and I genuinely cannot thank you enough for telling me this, because I've caused this before and genuinely had no idea the severity of the situation until now. I'm happy someone finally got it through my thick skull how fucked up I am and got my head out of my ass. And, as weird and deranged this may sound, I do applaud you for actually standing up to me like this, because I do think it took you a lot of strength to finally say it. You have every right to feel how you do right now.

If you wish to never see me again, I will abide by that to the best of my ability. Though I do not believe I can outright guarantee it, given how deranged I have proven to be.

 

[JD_Kreeper]

But still though, I deserved this.

 

[JD_Kreeper]

I've had some time to think about this. I got the closure I needed, and despite the initial spiral, now I finally feel at peace with the situation. I'm ready to let go now that I got the answers I needed, and I accept the ban as necessary.

Now that I know the full picture, I can get to work on correcting this behavior. By this time next year, I will likely be in a much better place, and when that time comes around, I'll be back here and we can discuss if I'm ready to return.

Thank you admins for your help. This was an experience like no other, and despite the hardships, I think it was beneficial.

Jill, if your reading this, thank you for sending me that. It's exactly what I needed to see to learn from this mistake.

 

[JD_Kreeper]

For real this time, we're done here.